Problematically designed bombs
by SaidbhinLuch
Summary: 'You know, I'd like to take this opportunity to say that this is a very poorly designed bomb, and I think we should say something to somebody when we get back.' Of course Jack would say something... It's what we all expect of him. Sam unfortunately has to try to keep him in line. Yeah good luck with that. S/J leanings and humour.


**Spoilers for _Fail Safe._**

* * *

'I have one further thing to add to the debriefing sir.' Sam and Daniel exchanged wary looks as they turned to look at the Colonel who was now addressing the General.

'Yes, Colonel?' The General seemed oblivious to the storm that was about to rain down on them all. Sam felt herself shrinking back in her seat and biting down on a groan of aggravation.

'I am putting in a formal complaint about the bomb design. We nearly set the earth on fire, simply because some idiot forgot to put in _one red wire_!'

A hushed silence settled over the room, Teal'c nodded in agreement with the Colonel at General Hammond and Daniel was wincing with one eye shut.

'I'm sorry Colonel?' Sam, herself winced at the Generals' disbelieving tone at the exuberant outburst.

'I am complaining about the fact that someone was with either stupid enough or insane enough to believe that a safety wire didn't need to be signalled out! I came _this_ close to blowing us up and settling the world on fire! We need to fire someone!'

Another silence permeated the room, this one far more awkward as the General repeatedly opened and shut his mouth, clearly at a loss for words.

'I'm not kidding; I nearly cut the wrong wire!' The Colonel looked round at everyone in the room imploringly. Sam looked from the Colonel nodding awkwardly at him and to the General and back, swallowing heavily.

'You know what? I'm gonna find out who they are and talk to them myself. Sorry about the interruption sir. I also need to have a chat with Spellman and his crew.' The Colonel at this point narrowed his eyes and sat back in his chair thinking deeply.

'You're not plotting anyone's downfall are you Jack?' Daniel asked warily, leaning forward on the table towards Jack clearly suspicious.

'I'm not going to kill anyone if that's what you're worried about Daniel.' The Colonel muttered almost absently to him, not looking at his concerned and worried friend.

'I will speak to them Colonel. I don't need you terrorising scientists on the base. And that's final.' The General tried to placate him, but Sam knew that the Colonel would find a way to track the people responsible down either way.

'Dismissed. And job well done.' The General stood up and both Sam and the Colonel followed suit, Daniel was still staring at him apprehensively.

The Colonel marched out of the room, past the Generals office and both Daniel and Teal'c followed him out. Sam paused as the General gazed at her pointedly; she quickly gathered her notes into an orderly pile and stood to attention waiting for him to speak.

'Please ensure that Colonel O'Neill does _not_ in fact track down the scientists involved with the technicalities of the bomb design. Thank you Major.'

Sam nodded briefly at him before following the rest of her team out as the General entered his office.

It was at times like this, she really had to wonder if there were any other Air Force officers being asked to stop their CO's from doing something crazy.

Most CO's wouldn't do such crazy things.

So it was probably just her.

Damn, her life was _weird._

* * *

'_Spellman!'_ Sam began to curse under her breath as she heard the Colonel's infuriated yell. As she began to run down the corridor, she was suddenly grateful that she was easily recognisable as everyone moved to get out of her way. She skidded into Spellman's lab and rolled her eyes at the sight that was before her.

Doctors' Spellman, Donovan and Reid, who had all helped with the cargo ship and had been involved with the X-301 incident, had been backed into a corner with by an irate Colonel.

'Sir.' Sam stood in the doorway, crossing her arms and staring disapprovingly at the Colonel, who turned his head slightly to look at her.

'Carter.'

'Sir.' Sam stated pointedly, knowing full well that he knew why she was there.

'We're just having a quick chat, nothing more.'

'Really? Then why did most of the base just hear you yell just now _Sir_?' Sam raised both her eyebrows and pursed her lips not buying the Colonel's innocent expression for one second. She rolled her eyes once again and stepped around the man and looked to the three men, who were seemingly, shaking in their boots.

'You can go. Please tell the other team that I'll be speaking to them shortly. Thank you Doctors.'

'Seriously Carter?' The Colonel turned and stared at her in indignation as the three scientists all but fled out of the small room.

Sam took a deep breath before turning to look up at him, trying desperately to school her features into a neutral mask. Judging by the _non_ pout _almost_ gracing his face, she had failed miserably.

'General Hammond asked me to make sure that you didn't do anything to the scientists.'

'But-'

'_Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!_' Sam looked at him for a brief moment before closing her eyes and shaking her head.

'You have Daniel to give out to. He can at least survive the onslaught.'

'Mostly as he can do the witty repartee.'

'He also knows you. Gives him a certain advantage, besides General Hammond will give them a severe talking to.'

'Probably would be better than me, I guess. He'll make them feel guilty and I'd just be yelling incoherently.' The Colonel looked at her contritely before smirking slightly and ruffling his hair.

'We also have two weeks off! I say we celebrate! This whole saving the world thing _again_ needs to commemorated.'

'Still not getting old Sir?' Sam joked as they headed out into the corridor, and she assumed they were looking for the guys.

'The day it gets old is the day I know I need to retire... With my knees it had better be soon.' Sam stared at him, looking at him sceptically before shaking her head in amusement.

'So you'll always be here. Good to know.'

* * *

'So do you think that Colonel O'Neill is planning on killing the bomb technicians?' Janet turned to Sam, giggling slightly as she took a sip of wine.

Sam watched the Colonel, Daniel and Teal'c debate over what movie they were going to watch and she laughed lightly.

'Oh no. That'd be far too quick. I'm guessing he'll play the long game.'

'Ahhhhh... Slow annoying torture... Very O'Neill.' Janet mused running her finger around the rim of her glass and staring contemplatively.'

'Indeed.' Sam jokingly muttered before looking at her friend.

'How did you hear about that?'

'Oh scientists talk. Scared ones even more so apparently.' Janet started giggling once again as she watched the Colonel and Daniel squabble and Teal'c practically roll his eyes at them.

' Ahhhh. They never talk to me about stuff like that.' Sam nodded sagely folding her legs under her and looked back at the guys just in time to see the Colonel whack Daniel on the head with a movie.

'Doc? Where our littlest alien tonight?' The Colonel turned round ignoring Daniels loud expletives at his head injury and looking suspicious.

'Oh she's at a friends' birthday and staying over.'

'That _boy_ won't be there I assume?' Janet rolled her eyes over at Sam, who quickly suppressed a smile at his over-protectiveness and tried not to giggle as the other two sat up straight and narrowed their eyes.

'Girls only night and I happen to approve of_ Dominic._ He's a good kid.' Sam nodded in agreement and refilled hers and Janet's glass of wine. She laughed silently as she saw the Colonel square his shoulders and narrow his eyes and waited for him to speak.

'I don't like him. He's a punk, a smart ass, is sarcastic and has a leather jacket. Boys with leather jackets are nuthin' but trouble.' The Colonel scowled and folded his arms and looked to the others who nodded in agreement.

Sam opened her mouth and tried to speak but words failed her.

She and Janet looked at each other in shock and amazement for a few moments, before bursting into helpless giggles.

Sam nearly knocked over her glass as she placed it down on the coffee table, tears streaming down her face. As she gasped for breath she made the mistake of looking up at the Colonels face, which was currently sporting the most consternated expression she'd ever seen, and laughed even harder.

After about ten minutes of laughter both women managed to compose themselves and wipe the tears of their faces. The Colonel was now looking extremely put out and Daniel was now trying to suppress chuckles as he took in his friends' expression.

'I am nothing like that kid.' He stated sitting back in the armchair and folding his arms across his chest cantankerously.

'Except for all of the above.' Janet started giggling once again and smiled at the Colonel, who glared at her in response.

'Well you know what they say Jack... Daughters tend to fall for men almost exactly like their fathers...' Daniel tried opening a bottle of beer and sitting down next to Janet, smiling smugly at him.

At this the Colonel's eyes shot wide open, almost panicked and then groaned loudly.

'I am not Cassie's father.' He muttered most to himself and the others smiled sadly at one another.

'She loves you like a father. At least you know that Dominic will treat her with the utmost respect. He's also terrified at the mere thought of you three. And then there's Janet.' Sam told him, reaching forward and patting him sympathetically on the knee.

'Why couldn't she date a geek like Daniel?' He muttered mournfully, ignoring Daniels indignant 'oy!' and placing his head in his hands.

There was a thoughtful pause as Teal'c decided that they were watching Firefly, a TV show that Sam was honestly curious about. Daniel suddenly bolted up in his seat knocking Janet slightly and looking at the Colonel in amazement.

'Are you saying that you trust someone like me, over someone like you with your daughter?'

'First I nearly destroy the world and now this. What did I do to deserve this?' The Colonel was _this_ close to wailing pathetically.

Teal'c glared at all four of them, as the Colonel and Daniel started squabbling and Sam and Janet dissolved into inconsolable laughter once again.

* * *

**I couldn't help myself? I hope ya'll don't mind or complain like Jack did hear... That would be scary... and oddly impressive...**

**Also thank you SO MUCH to everyone who reviewed and favourited 'Facial Hair Commentary'! You're WONDERFUL PEOPLE!  
**

**Speaking of:  
**

**Irishmaiden: _Oh how you make me blush! You are too nice to me! As for you're VIP situation, I'm both apologetic that I made that happen and proud of the fact that I could make that happen! Yes, I am evil, I know... Sorry! I'm so flattered you think that this could fit in! And Jack and Daniel are too much fun to play with... Dance puppets DANCE! You can make those two say anything to each other! Daniel's curious nature is just easy to expound on... You can make him do anything because of it!_  
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**_I look forward to your reviews! They never fail to make me giggle and smile, hence why I believe you could EASILY manage to write wonderful stories! And by all means PLEASE suggest away! I would be honoured! I bow to your wonderful review!  
_**

**Kalinysta: _I honestly first thought of 'Seth' when you wrote about the three stooges once again... Even the Stargate writers saw that! Well done! And thank you... Daniel's the only one I could make do that... and be as funny and I like it when Teal'c has no other recourse but to loose dignity and do something silly to make his point. And I will go have a look and edit, thank you! I don't mind the nitpicking... you should see me when I give out to my friends on Facebook for using text speak... YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE KEYBOARD... etc, etc... I do it all the time. Hell I go through my lecture notes correcting grammatical mistakes. Yes, I am THAT bad. And you think so? Really? I am gobsmacked! Thank you!_**

**Please read, review and most importantly enjoy and laugh! We all need the giggles!**

**Thank you!  
**


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